Author: boscoj

Who wants a story?

Many years ago (in a former life) I was the lawyer for a woman who sued her daughter. The details of the case, although interesting, are not important. What matters is that, shortly after filing the lawsuit the daughter’s attorney suggested mediation and we agreed.

For those of you who have never been involved in a lawsuit, well bless your little hearts. They’re horrible and there are no winners. Anyways, mediation is when the parties sit down with someone (a mediator) who’s usually a semi-retired lawyer or a retired judge who will try and drive the parties to settlement. The mediator usually tells the parties to block off two or three hours, but once started it’s not unusual for these things to take all day, and sometimes run into the night. I once had a federal judge keep us until around 11:00 at night. It worked; we settled.

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Extraneous details: this case was actually extraordinary. We started the mediation at nine or ten in the morning. According to the judge, we were getting close around noon. So lunch had to be delayed. We did finally take a break around three or four in the afternoon. Mind you, if my recollection is correct, this was a $4 million case; so the stakes were considerable. Anyways, the point of the matter is that everyone was abused to the point of exhaustion. The judge made fun of the lawyers and accused the parties of behaving like children. It was probably just after seven in the evening when he announced “I don’t care if we have to sit here all night. No one is leaving until this case is settled.” And he meant it. This was in Detroit and I had flown. Missed dinner. Missed my flight. Had to find a hotel at midnight and fly home standby in the morning. Good times.

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The mediation process – generally – is that the parties sit together with the mediator and each side gives a short rendition of their position/story. Then the parties relocate into separate rooms and the mediator moves from room to room dealing with each side one-on-one. The job the mediator is to break down and convince each side that they have no case and should settle. The process is mentally taxing and a well skilled mediator can make it absolutely grueling (see above.) Pro tip: bring snacks.

This particular mediation (with the mother and the daughter) wasn’t so bad. Long story short, after a couple hours the daughter simply caved. So we all got back together in the same room and it took maybe half an hour to draft a settlement agreement.

As everyone was packing up their things, the mediator looked at me and said, “Mr. Bosco, I noticed you have a very interesting way of speaking. You don’t use many words. You are a master of the succinct.”

The mediation was over, so I had already switched my brain to “off”. Not thinking clearly, and as I wasn’t really sure what he meant, I humbly mumbled, ” T h a n k y o u ? “

He laughed and said, “No, no. I assure you I meant it as a compliment.”

I don’t know why but that story has always stuck with me. Master of the succinct.

I’m not even exactly sure what it means; but I like it.

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On the Medical Front

Couple of things.

First of, it’s been two years without the trach. So that’s kinda cool. For those that don’t recall, my doctor told me if I made it two years that I would probably be okay without it. So here we are. Woo hoo!

I still do a fair bit of daily coughing and wheezing. I suppose because I’m not constantly twisting and turning, shifting my weight and moving side to side, things tend to settle in my lungs. After a few hours they build up and have to be coughed up. C’est la vie.

The other problem in this regard is that I tend to sleep on my back with my mouth open (which is horrible and nobody should do.) So that dries out everything on the insides and makes it harder to cough up. Thankfully, we have a nebulizer so I take a “breathing treatment” as necessary. That helps.

On the other end… Well. Is the other end.

Again, because I don’t do a lot of turning and shifting, things tend to settle in the bowel on their way out. For a while – as in for a few months – we really didn’t realize what was going on. Then for a little while, we realized there was an issue but we did not take it too seriously. Then we had a problem.

I will spare you the gory details. (You’re welcome.)

It’s been about 10 weeks and it finally appears we might just have this under control. Don’t know if you guys are familiar with Senokot, it’s fairly common. On the side of the box it will tell you the standard adult dose is one tablet per day for the “gentle overnight relief of occasional constipation.” Now I’m not saying that I’m special, but I take two tablets twice a day.

Things you gotta do to keep things running.

That’s it. Don’t want to jinx anything, but I was just thinking the other day that I haven’t been admitted to the hospital in over a year. Kind of a weird milestone to celebrate but I will take it as a win.

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Anyways…

Back in September we talked about how most people default to truth; even to their own detriment (or when things ain’t true.)

Then in October we talked about some truisms in ancient writings. These are principles that have proven to be correct over tens-of-thousands of generations spanning hundreds-of-thousands of years. We’re talking about a timeframe that makes ancient Egypt modern history.

Seriously, these teachings are the fundamental building blocks of society. Well, at least a civilized society.

And as I was contemplating some of these teachings, I had a thought – a succinct expression – that simply expressed the summation of order in a society. I call it The Prime Directive:

It’s in everyone’s best interest that everyone make good decisions.

Master of the succinct indeed.

Oh sure, now that you’ve read it you think it’s nothing but common sense; at least it should strike you that way. (If you disagree be sure to let me know.)

Seriously, can you think of any situation where you could point to a member of society and say, “I hope that guy makes a truly horrible decision”? Of course not. We hope family members make good decisions. We hope strangers, other drivers, pilots, fast food order takers, etc. make good decisions. And we certainly hope that politicians make good decisions.

Now this shouldn’t need to be said, but I’ll say it anyways; this isn’t political. I know my readers. Some of you are slightly-left and others slightly-right. Some of you are wacko-left and some of you are wacko-right. I have a few Zionists readers and a few “from the river to the sea” readers. I know that some of you are environmental Nazis and others are drill baby drill. But that’s not the point.

Regardless of your political persuasion, you should be able to agree that

it’s in everyone’s best interest that everyone make good decisions.

The rub comes when we try to define “good decisions.”

Naturally, a lot of people believe “good decisions” is synonymous with “in my best interests.” And sometimes that’s the case. But often not.

Anyways, that’s enough for now. Next time we’ll get into a little bit more about “good decisions” and how they are made.

So until then, thanks for reading and go make some good decisions.

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Standing chitchat, Sundays at 3:30 Central.
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Howdy. Been a long time.

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It’s been a long time since I rock-and-rolled
It’s been a long time since I did the Stroll
Ooh, let me get it back, let me get it back
Let me get it back, baby, where I come from
– – “Rock and Roll”, Led Zeppelin (1971)

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The guys (Jimmy Page and company,) wrote “Rock and Roll” in response to some ignorant critic who lambasted Led Zeppelin III saying that the album was not real rock and roll. Funny how that works as the song is kind of their eponymous creation.

Anyways…

It has been a long time and I wanted to give a quick update as to what’s been happening.

Before we get into all that, need to give a shout out to Anthony Curran and Brian Shea. Long story short, right about the time we were having all that rain a few weeks ago, our sump pump decided to stop working. Had a few inches of water in the basement. Right after Anthony cleaned up the first mess, we got more rain. Thankfully Brian was able to come over and realize that there was nothing wrong with the pump; only that the electrical cord had been frayed. Some electrical tape and a couple wire nut connectors and we were back in business.

As fate would have it, the water got high enough to get into the furnace filter. That in turn got the furnace’s blower motor control board a little wet. Thankfully Brian keeps a gas powered leaf blower in his vehicle. So by the time he left there was very little water left in the basement and the furnace was running.

Many thanks guys. Please know you are appreciated.

What else is happening?

For those new here, I have a few open wounds. So every Monday Suzie and I tromp-off to wound care. Sometime back in November we’re sitting in the wound care office and the nurse takes my blood pressure. It’s something like 227/142. Naturally, the wound care doctor declines to poke around in the wounds that day and suggests we go over to the emergency room to find out what’s going on.

Ugh.

The plan was simple: because of my condition, I don’t experience pain the same way normal people do. What I do experience is something called autonomic dysreflexia which is a fancy term meaning that my body knows something is wrong and so it reacts. Usually by raising the blood pressure. In order to (try and) figure out what was going on, we needed a chest x-ray and an abdominal CT. Just to recap, I still have a kidney stone and we needed to see what it was up to.

We knew that my primary care physician could order these tests and I could go to radiology later in the week. But that would’ve taken days. The plan was to go through the emergency room and get this done in a few hours.

The Good

Resurrection has a brand-new emergency department. Nice reception area. Spacious triage rooms. Lots of soft lighting (it’s very calming.) And the waiting area is quite spacious with, naturally, all brand-new furniture.

The Bad

Actually, it wasn’t that bad. Yes, it took longer than “a few hours.”

And yes, there was an “incident” where some belligerent fellow accosted the staff members. Security was called. I actually don’t have many details. As part of the expansion, they have more rooms – so no one is in the hallway – and the acoustics don’t carry like in the old place. Nevertheless, I always find such events bittersweet. I feel bad for the staff; no nurse deserves to get punched in the face. But it is entertaining.

The Silly

After about an hour hanging out in the lobby, some friendly staff member came out to show us back. I’m checking out the new space as we roll on. Not really paying attention to where we are going – as I was thinking about how the department was set up in “pods” which appears to be the preferred medical architecture nowadays – we roll into a nice size room with a glass sliding door and all of the equipment one might expect in such a place. Suzie backs the wheelchair into the room next to the bed at which point the technician very politely says, “Okay, you just need to hop up in bed here.”

Every. Damn. Time.

In the end they ran their tests, came up with nothing, and sent me home.

I’m now on a low dose of blood pressure meds but no one really knows why.

I guess that’s it for now.

Enjoy the football and be well.

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Standing chitchat, Sundays at 3:30 Central.
No login or special software required.
Here’s the link: https://jb.jb03.com/call/e35vvpp9.
All are welcome.

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Riffing on Genesis (the first book of the Bible, not the British rock band from the 70s which became popular with Phil Collins behind the microphone but which actually had Peter Gabriel as its original front-man) English author Sir Terry Pratchett OBE once said, “In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.”

Just FYI, if you didn’t read my previous post on thinking you may want to check that out first. This is the second in what will probably be a fairly long series.

Before we trip and fall into the well, should probably get a few medical details out of the way.

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Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was.
– – Talking Heads, Once in a Lifetime (1984)

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Actually, there is one thing on the medical front that has existed for months that I have never mentioned. When I was last in the hospital, which I believe was April, a CT showed a stone lodged in my right kidney. After talking with the urologist about some of the available options, I decided to do nothing. Maybe it will pass on its own. Maybe it will require medical intervention at some point in the future. We simply don’t know. What we do know is that it’s there, and it’s currently not bothering anybody.

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Don’t trouble trouble until trouble troubles you.
– – Frank Bosco

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Seriously though, the urologist said that it would not be a big deal to let the stone be for 6-8 months and then do another CT to see if it has moved, gotten bigger, or doing something else (perhaps the Macarena?) that we should be aware of of which we should be aware.

If you’re only here for the medical update you can stop reading now and go back to playing Candy Crush (no one will know.)

Now, with the trivialities behind us, we can begin exploring more important things.

This is actually my third attempt at writing something which would follow the previous post. It’s not that I wrote myself into a corner. I didn’t. It’s just that I still – as I mentioned before – have a lot on my mind. Everything is so confusing.

I keep notes to myself. I use an application that syncs them between my laptop and my phone so I can freely use either. Which is good, so when I have one of my brilliant ideas at 3:00 in the morning I don’t need to wake up Suzie to fire up the laptop.

Some are things to do. Some are things I want to write about. Some are just random thoughts that I want to hold onto because they’re only half-baked (and maybe they have potential down the road.) My brain is working. It’s just a real mess up there.

Here’s some of the notes (I removed the to-dos):

• Citizen Kane newspaper Ownership
• stages of knowledge | the more you know, the more you don’t know
• know thyself
• people want to be lied to – Plato’s allegory of the cave
• The Magna Carta The origins of law
• Politicians should be paid 80% of their private sector wage
• No consequences for bad behavior
• Never take advice from someone who doesn’t have children
• Everything is evolutionary (at some point this will become a whole series of essays in itself. I just haven’t got it all figured out yet.)
• Everything is energy (I actually have the first few thousand words of this essay written. It’s the opening chapter for a book I owe my friend Dr Funda Kahn.)
• Stages of breakdown Denial Create the experts Trust the experts Suggestion Mandatory
• It is in everyone’s best interest That everyone makes good decisions
• Always Sunny in Philadelphia – the greatest 4 1/2 minutes in television
• history is written by the victors
• The ends justify the means
• Every person Similarly situated Should be treated the same
• distinctions with the difference – distinctions without a difference
• All information is curated Aggregated
• The state of education & prison reform
• Bob and Brian talking about how to prepare steaks
• History blinks the world changes
• metrics for government, teachers, police etc.
• People like dogs they need attention and will take negative attention
• The butterfly effect: how Barack Obama really became president (this is a completely true story about how a guy I know inadvertently made Barack Obama president)
• if there’s any issue where you refused to change your mind when presented with new information you’re a zealot, or if you can’t think of any information that would cause you to change your mind
• What’s the everyone wants to be in control but no one wants to be responsible
• the exception proves the rule
• Decision box – four squares

And some of you wonder what I do all day…

Every item on the list could be its own post. But without context, any such post wouldn’t make any more sense than the list itself. Ideas require organization.

In addition to that list, I’m dealing with all of “life’s” little issues like bills, doctors appointments, physical therapy, shopping, kid in college, car needs an oil change, etc. There’s just so much to be said. But it has to make sense. There has to be a nexus and a story.

In the first draft of this post (which is nearly complete by the way) I walked through events chronologically from where we left off before. However when it was complete I realized it lacked critical foundational elements. There were several paragraphs that would’ve been confusing to you. Hell, they were confusing to me and I wrote ’em.

In my second attempt I wandered into the metaphysical abyss of control and complexity. That was a complete and total disaster.

But if you will bear with me, I’m confident I have discovered a path where we will all enjoy the journey together.

Let’s start with a quick explanation of how I got here. In the previous post I provided a short list of a few of the books I had read prior to the accident which got me thinking about thinking. Two books didn’t make that list because they didn’t really fit.

• Edward Bernays’ Propaganda (1928) should be required reading for every voter in the country. For those of you in Rio Linda, Bernays was the nephew of Sigmund Freud. He is also considered the father of advertising or public relations. No one on earth, that you’ve never heard of, has had a greater impact on your life than Bernays. He got the U.S. into WWI. He’s the reason you think “breakfast is the most important meal of the day.” We’ll talk more about Bernays later. But for now, here’s all you need to know:

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The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of.
– – Edward Bernays

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• At the time of the accident I was reading The True Believer by Eric Hoffer (1951). Hoffer’s book deals directly with political organizations and mass movements. Who joins them and why. It’s been praised by dozens of politicians including Eisenhower and Hillary Clinton. If you want to survive in politics this is required reading. Here’s the last picture I took before the accident.

Heavy stuff.

So that’s where we are, in 2021. Maybe eight hours after that photo was taken I would be in a flight-for-life helicopter with a broken neck, seaweed in my lungs, and a machine breathing for me on my way to Milwaukee. Never got to finish my book.

I hear you. I hear you. You’re thinking, “Hey! 2021? WTF happened to 2017 and the failed businesses and the panic attacks?! This ain’t no book of the month club you know!”

I know. I know. Calm yourselves. It’s almost over. Jeesh.

After the accident I was sick. Really sick. I was actually just scrolling through my Audible account the other day and I noticed a whole bunch of books which I had listened to and remember absolutely nothing from. I couldn’t even tell you what they were about. At the time I didn’t realize how sick I was. But I was pretty sick.

So it was only more recently that I downloaded The True Believer as an e-book and started to make my way through it again.

As I’m reading it, I find an interesting passage referring to Bernays’ earlier work Crystallizing Public Opinion (1923). So I decide to stop reading The True Believer and start on Crystallizing Public Opinion. Not too far into that book, Bernays references Instincts of the Herd in Peace and War by Wilfred Trotter (1916). So I, again, decide to stop reading one book and pick up another. Instincts of the Herd led to Somerset Maugham’s The Razor’s Edge, which in turn led to the Upanishads.

And that’s when I realized the only place to start was “in the beginning.”

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In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
– – Genesis 1:1

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Several thousand miles away and perhaps 300 years earlier, a different people had surprisingly similar thought.

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That (the Invisible-Absolute) is whole;
whole is this (the visible phenomena);
from the Invisible Whole comes forth the visible whole.
Though the visible whole has come out from that Invisible Whole, yet the Whole remains unaltered.
– – Ishavasya Upanishad, Peace Chant (opening prayer)

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I find that absolutely remarkable.

Consider, the earth is over 4 billion years old. People, humans, have only been walking around for about 250,000 years. So if we were to say the life of the earth is the 2,600 mile trip from San Francisco to New York, people have only been here for the last 858 feet. That is, if the earth were that long cross-country trip, you could watch the earth’s entire history during the flight over the country and you wouldn’t see a human being until after the plane had landed, cleared the runway, and was almost at the gate.

We – people – are actually kinda new here.

Similarly, if we take a look at human history, so much of it is unrecorded. For so long we lacked the means to adequately memorialize what we knew. But that – of course – does not mean we weren’t learning. To the contrary, we learned a great deal. For 250,000 years we lived here, discovered our world and our place in it. And then just recently, about 3,000 years ago, we figured out how to write things down. And once we did that, people living two lifetimes of travel apart from one another decide that one of the very first things they want to memorialize is the same story.

You might think that’s a coincidence… And you would be wrong.

Consider:

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In the Lord is to be veiled all this—whatsoever moves on earth.
Through such renunciation do thou save (thyself); be not greedy, for whose is wealth?

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What’s that? You don’t recognize it?

Here’s a slightly different translation:

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All this, whatsoever exists in the universe, should be covered by the Lord.
Having renounced (the unreal), enjoy (the Real).
Do not covet the wealth of any man.
– – Ishavasya Upanishad, Verse I

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Now that should certainly sound familiar. It’s essentially the 10th Commandment. Only it wasn’t written down in the Middle East, but rather in the Himalayan forests of northeastern India. And probably 150-200 years before the book of Exodus.

We should all acknowledge that there are things that are innately true. Truisms. Things that have been time-tested over thousands of generations. The words expressing these things are certainly imperfect. So people often get tripped up in semantics. But that doesn’t make these truisms less true.

Over the next couple of months I want to explore some of these truisms with you. But before we go, I want to leave you with the greatest 4 1/2 minutes in television history.

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Standing chitchat, Sundays at 3:30 Central.
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Howdy Strangers. How y’all been?

It’s been a while since I’ve provided an update. It’s not that nothing has been happening – actually quite a bit has been going on – but it has been a time of considerable cognitive confusion. I got a lot on my mind, and it’s extremely disorganized.

I don’t even know where to start.

On the medical front things are “stable”; which first responders will tell you is not really a condition. “Healthy” is a condition. “Critical” is a condition. “Normal” is a condition. Yet whenever we watch the news some talking head is always telling us that somebody is in “stable” condition. Such unrelenting dumbing-down perpetually annoys me. “Deceased” is a fairly stable condition (and a much more polite way of saying decomposing or if one is feeling exceptionally morose, rotting.)

Such is life in our post-truth world. We’re constantly being led – or misled – by language.

I’ve been pretty healthy. Coughing less. It’s been 18 months since we removed the trach. The doctor said if I made it two years that I would probably be out of the woods. So I am 75 percent of the way there. The wound continues to heal on a two steps forward one step back pace. They tell me I need to stay off my ass. But I like to go outside and sit in the sun. Maybe when winter comes and I stop going outside the wound will heal itself.

Things with the family are good. Suzie and her family are doing well. Clara is off to college. My dad recently had a run in with some bacteria but that appears to be under control. My brother and sister are each getting along doing their own things.

All in all, things are going pretty well.

So what’s the problem?

Really, there is no problem. I just got a lot on my mind.

Walk with me.

For those that don’t know, I never took a psychology class in college. I was in an engineering program. I had three semesters of calculus, then differential equations. A year of each biology and physics. A year of chemistry, then a semester of organic chemistry, systems physiology, statistics. Two semesters of accounting. Two semesters of economics. Zero foreign language. Zero history. Zero psychology, sociology, anthropology, etc. Zero fine art. If memory serves, there was an English Lit., English composition, and a political science. Everything else was in the engineering building.

As such, I never really spent any time thinking about how people think.

I certainly never spent any time thinking about how I think.

Law school didn’t help either. It’s essentially logic and mostly technical; a long series of if-then statements. It’s rules. Lots and lots of rules. The law actually has very little to do with people, after all, justice is blind. Very rarely does the law even care what someone is thinking, and even then we are instructed to infer thoughts based on actions. IF A pulled the trigger while pointing the gun at B, THEN A must have been thinking “I want to shoot B.” The law is really nothing more than computer programming with black robes. Truthfully, people are the weakest link of the justice system. We may be better off turning the whole thing over to AI. Which I suspect will happen in the future.

Anyways… Back to thinking.

In the first 40 years of my life I doubt I spent more than 30 minutes ever thinking about how people acquire and process thoughts or feelings. That isn’t to say I wasn’t educated (I was probably overeducated.) I had read hundreds of books, everything from St. Thomas Aquinas to Stephen King. I understood Plato’s Allegory of the Cave and was familiar with Pavlov’s dogs. And while I had studied various subjects, I always just took things as they came.

In line with being a good “student” I just took whatever words were on the paper and placed them in memory so they could be regurgitated at some later date on a test. And truthfully, I’m probably pretty “normal” in that regard.

In Talking to Strangers, Malcolm Gladwell walks the reader through the psychological theory of “Default to Truth” and some of its historical implications. The concept is actually incredibly straightforward: human beings by their nature simply assume by default that whatever information they are given is the truth. Gladwell posits that if the opposite were true – that if no one trusted anyone – society would cease to function.

I’d say that’s a pretty fair assessment of how I’ve generally lived my life.

Storytime:

It was probably the summer of 1987 (maybe ’88), and I’m driving the family’s Dodge Caravan up Harlem Avenue. I’m alone, driving home from who knows where. Windows down. Radio up. I had just passed the Pacific Stereo and was stopped at the light at Foster when two guys in a white panel van pull up next to me. They were seriously overexcited, yelling and screaming about how they had just bought TWO very high-end Boston Acoustic speakers but the guy on the loading dock accidentally loaded FOUR of them into the van. Further, this was about to be my lucky day because they were going to sell me the extra set for half-price which I think was around $350. They even opened the sliding door so I could see the speakers sitting right there in the back of the van.

Now as fate would have it, I actually had just recently purchased some very nice three-way stereo speakers. They were not Boston Acoustic, but nevertheless, they would have to do. But seriously, who wouldn’t want a nice set of high-end Boston Acoustics for half-price?

When I got home my mom was in the kitchen preparing dinner. I was very matter of fact when I told her the story. She listened patiently, cutting up potatoes or something. At the conclusion of my story I believe I said something about how it was wrong for the two guys in the van to accept more than they paid for, and how the kid working the dock was probably about to get fired. My mom didn’t look up and her knife never stopped moving as she said,

“Jimmy, it was a scam.”

Now it probably should be recognized that the words, as uttered, were “Jimmy, it was a scam.” However, the tonal effects were unequivocal. What my mother really said was, “Jimmy, it was a scam you idiot.”

I think this is my earliest recognition of experiencing cognitive dissonance. It simply did not compute. I probably stood there, watching my mom cut up potatoes, for a full minute. Mouth agape. Eyes glazed over. Utterly speechless. Like someone had just hit the reset button. When my brain finally rebooted I believe I was told to make myself useful and set the table.

I haven’t thought about that story in at least 30 years. Wild.

Oddly enough, a very similar situation would play itself out a year or two later with some gold chains in front of the Rock ‘n’ Roll McDonald’s. Perhaps another time…

I guess I’ve always been the trusting sort. Without struggling I can think of another half-dozen (or maybe twice that) situations where I had taken the “default to truth” position – I had simply accepted the facts as presented – with varying degrees of misfortune.

This isn’t to say that I ever thought myself naïve. Quite to the contrary, I’ve always understood, at least as an adult, that people would lie to me. And despite actually having been an altar boy AND a Boy Scout, I’ve engaged in (more than) my own fair share of nefarious behavior.

No, I just never gave any thought to thinking.

Despite reading Kierkegaard and Kant, Yates, Sartre, and Thoreau – I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what other people were thinking – I’ve never spent any time thinking about my own thinking. Much like the famous scene with Robin Williams and Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting, I can write you couple paragraphs on Plato’s Republic. I can quote characters from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest and Citizen Kane. But just as surely as I cannot tell you “what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel,” I’ve spent nearly my whole life oblivious to my own thought process.

I can’t tell you exactly when – the genesis of something is often very hard to pinpoint – but I can provide a rough chronology of events which led me to thinking more and more about thinking. It started with:

• Reading Christopher Browning’s Ordinary Men: Reserve Police Battalion 101 and the Final Solution in Poland.
  This is a seriously wild book. This is the true story of how a misfit group of candle makers, bakers, and cobblers ended up murdering tens-of-thousands of Jews during WWII. It’s a real-life tale of how ordinary people can become brutal killers given the right group dynamics. (You probably think you have a solid moral compass. You’re probably wrong.)
• Then came Deep Survival: Who Lives, Who Dies, and Why by Lawrence Gonzales and Can’t Hurt Me: Master Your Mind and Defy the Odds by David Goggins. Deep Survival covers the stories of people who have survived airplane crashes, rock climbing incidents, losing their boat in the middle of the Atlantic, etc. There is a common theme among people who survived these events… incredible mental focus. Can’t Hurt Me is the life to date autobiography of Goggins, a Navy seal, ultramarathon runner, world record pull-up holder, and all around walking definition of mental toughness. (If you’ve ever been by the house you may have seen the “Goggins is a Pussy” hat which Bob got for me.)
• Around this time a few things in my life got a little wonky. In a long series of events, about which many books could be written, things fell apart. Mistakes were made. Jobs were lost. Businesses failed. Then, as fate would have it, after a nearly 10 year battle with multiple myeloma, in July 2017, my mom died.

I had a lot on my mind.

Everything has its limit (except stupidity which is infinite) and I hit my limit.

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Turning and turning in the widening gyre.
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
– – Yeats, The Second Coming

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It was right around this time that I started having these little “episodes” which, if you’ve ever seen The Soprano’s, turned out to be panic attacks.

Now at the time, in the beginning at least, there was a great deal of confusion about exactly what was going on. When you think about a “panic attack” you’re generally envisioning someone hyperventilating, nervous, agitated or at least anxious. Heart pounding. Lots of talking in between the heavy breathing. My “attacks” had none of those symptoms. That said…

I do remember this one time at my office. I’m getting up from my desk and as I walked around it toward the door, the door started getting further and further away. The room stretched out and became infinitely long and very thin. It was like something out of The Matrix. The ceiling, floor, and walls all bowed in. Vision narrowed; everything was going black except for what you might see if you were looking through a paper towel roll. All I could see was one tiny door way off in the distance. I actually started to fall, my knees gave out, I put my hands out to brace the fall and I remember thinking to myself “you are NOT going to pass out here!”

…

That’s where we’re going to have to leave it for right now.

I hope to have the next chapter complete next week.

As always, many thanks for all of the support.

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Standing chitchat, Sundays at 3:30 Central.
No login or special software required.
Here’s the link: https://jb.jb03.com/call/e35vvpp9.

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So we are on a recent Sunday call and Bob says that he had just completed a 72-hour fast. While this made perfect sense to me, others were curious, some were downright skeptical. Bob listed off several benefits – apart from the obvious which is that your not taking in any calories and therefore burning fat – including resetting your body’s insulin levels (eliminating your insulin resistance,) achieving mental clarity, reducing inflammation and probably another benefit or two before I interrupted with a weird word that I actually couldn’t even remember. Autophagy. More about that later. Anyways, the whole thing got me thinking 72 hours, three days. Three. Days. Why was that significant?

Hang on. Abrupt turn ahead.

It’s probably 2017 or 2018 and I had taken Clara to the dentist. Now for reasons that are not exactly clear, we agreed on nothing politically, the dentist and I got along really well. He practiced what he liked to call “evolutionary dentistry.” He had photographs of monkey skulls comparing those raised in captivity with those raised in the wild. The differences were startling. He posited that our modern diet of soft food and not eating meat “off the bone” has left us all with a bunch of flat featureless faces which is why we have to do things like remove wisdom teeth and why so many of us have sleep apnea and other breathing disorders. This totally made sense to me.

I mentioned to him you didn’t have to go very far back in time to find that cavities were actually uncommon in humans. And that it wasn’t until sugar became available we really began to see tooth decay in the population. We talked about how historically, before antibiotics, people died for the silliest of reasons. Slip in the mud, scratch your leg on a tree stump, it gets infected… Horse bites your finger, it gets infected… You badly burn your finger on a hot stove… You get the idea. However, if you look at the remains of people from all over the globe who managed to avoid those things and lived to be 70 or 80 years old there’s something quite startling in that – they died with all their teeth! This is the kind of stuff we would talk about.

Now I have to mention that this is a pediatric dentist who runs his operation out of what is literally a single-family house in Lincoln Park. In the front of the house, what used to be the living room, is where he has a couple of chairs set up to do orthodontics. In what was probably the dining room he’s got his x-ray machine. And in the back there’s a tiny waiting area with about six kids size chairs and one small adult desk where his receptionist answers the phone and takes the money. It’s all very cozy.

So this one time we are in there and a couple of kids are sitting in the waiting area. I didn’t feel like monstering over them, so I go stand over by the receptionist and see how her day is going. I’m inspecting the tchotchkes he has on a couple shelves and eyeball this book on breathing. As I leafed through the first several pages, the actual subject matter was an afterthought. Instead I was trying to figure out how this particular book ended up in this particular dentist’s office. This wasn’t a kids book. This was a serious book, for adults, backed by science, about nothing but breathing. What was it doing in a pediatric dentist’s office?

At the time I was nearly 50 years old. I spent most of my childhood as a competitive swimmer and water polo player. I was still swimming over two miles at a crack three days a week and I had trained for and completed four marathons. I was pretty certain I understood the concept of breathing. Just then, as I stood there flummoxed, Clara popped out of the front room.

I couldn’t let it go. So I march past the receptionist and the x-ray machine into the front room where I hold up the book and announce, “Hey, Doctor Kev, I’m going to borrow this book from you. I’ll bring it back next week.” Without removing his hands from the mouth of some 12-year-old, Doctor Kev squints at me over his dentist magnifying eyeglasses and says, “Ha! You’re gonna love that. Yes, take it and let’s be sure to talk next week. I want to know what you think about it.”

The book was (and still is) The Oxygen Advantage by Patrick McKeown. And I can tell you without any exaggeration that the exercises in that book are what allowed me to survive my accident, but that’s not where I’m going here. We’re on a tangent not about breathing, but about fasting for three days. Give me a second. I’m nearly there.

Suffice to say, the book is outstanding. Allow me to sum it up for you in 14 words: odds are you think you know how to breathe; and odds are you don’t. We’ll get into some details later; all you need to know right now is that I fell down the rabbit hole and immediately read not only The Oxygen Advantage but several other books on breathing and meditation. And it was in one of those books that I read – 6 or 7 years ago – where I first heard about the Tarahumara people of Mexico.

The Tarahumara were great runners. Even the elders would run 50+ miles a day. This was not for sport, and the Tarahumara were not nomadic (although some groups did an annual migration.) Instead, the Tarahumara were known to engage in the practice of persistence hunting. That is, they would hunt deer, turkey, and other animals by running them into exhaustion. A hunt could go on for 2-3 days and cover over 200 miles.

Think about that for a second. Getting together with 4 or 5 of your buddies and taking off on foot for three days and two nights without rest and roughly covering the distance between Washington DC and New York City just so you can have something to eat.

We often lose sight of this in our modern world, but in the end that’s what we are… apex predators.

This wasn’t a choice; none of our ancestors chose this for us. Instead, nature simply commanded it.

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Standing chitchat, Sundays at 3:30 Central.
No login or special software required.
Here’s the link: https://jb.jb03.com/call/e35vvpp9.
All are welcome.

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Consider two similar animals. Assume they are about the same size and shape and have nearly identical features and physical abilities. In fact the only difference between the two is one of biochemistry whereby after not eating for three days the first animal became tired and weak. Its eyesight worsened and its metabolism slowed. Due to this lack of energy brain function suffered and the animal generally became lethargic.

Contrast that with a second animal which although physically similar, possesses a very different metabolic process such that after not eating for several days the body prepares itself for the hunt. First off, through a process called autophagy the body searches itself for unhealthy, unnatural (a.k.a. cancer) and dead cells. It tears them apart turning the unusable parts into energy and using the healthy parts to create new cells. Mitochondrial function, and thereby metabolism, increases giving the animal more energy than it had a few days prior. Because the animal is now burning energy from stored fat, instead of recently consumed carbohydrates, its brain functions on ketones instead of traditional ATP. For reasons that are not understood even today, by using ketones for energy brain function improves as do all the senses. As a result of not eating for a few days the animal finds itself lighter, with more energy, better vision and hearing, and greater thinking ability. And if that’s not enough, the body prepares itself for a fight by resetting the immune system. Millions of helper T-cells are created and the body produces billions of white blood cells and tens-of-billions of antibodies.

After not eating for a few days the body of the second animal is quite literally preparing itself for war by regenerating itself.

Now over the course of tens-of-thousands of years which animal does evolution favor?

In case you haven’t realized it yet, you are the second animal.

Over 100,000 years of evolution have made us perfect beings for doing the following things: hunt, eat, rest, repeat.

Kinda wild huh?

I’m sure some of you are skeptical. If you doubt me feel free to do your own research. Here’s a few links to get started:

Grain Brain

Autophagy

Metabolical

Anyways, if you’ve never tried fasting I highly recommend it. If you have any questions about it feel free to ask. I recently read about a doctor in California who medically supervises fasts lasting up to 45 or so days. There are about 3600-4000 usable calories in every pound of fat on your body. So for every pound of fat you have you can probably go two days without eating. I’ll let each of you do your own math.

So what do I eat?

Well if I really had my way, I would eat a 16 ounce ribeye and half a pound of asparagus six days a week. However, as a result of my condition I have a weak bowel so I need to consume more fiber than the average bear. What Suzie has been doing for me lately is three cups of rice, three or four eggs, about a 12 ounce ribeye (sliced), and maybe 1/2 pound of broccoli all go into the rice cooker. Squeeze a lime and a little Sriracha and it’s a one pot meal in 20 minutes. I generally get two days of eating out of the pot. Gourmet? Enough for me. I usually try to follow it up with some sort of fresh fruit. Although, yes, fruit is high in carbs, this is fine as long as you eat it all together. All the fiber slows the insulin response. Not eating again for 24 hours (or longer) allows your body to reset to its natural insulin level. And no, very rarely do I get hungry.

Okay look, I could talk about this all day but it’s time to move on. Just remember, only eat six times a week, and twice a year (at least twice a year) fast for three days. You got this!

Now here’s the weird thing, while you can actually go several days without eating you can’t go several minutes without breathing. Yet the truth of the matter is most of us probably do too much breathing (along with too much eating.)

Most people don’t know this, but the urge to breathe is not caused by the lack of oxygen but instead the buildup of carbon dioxide in the blood. The chemistry is complex and frankly above my pay grade, but if you want to learn more you can start here at the website for The Oxygen Advantage. The author does a better job explaining it than I ever could.

But stay with me here. The point I’m trying to get across is that eating and breathing are related to each other and highly responsible for your general health. As I mentioned above, reducing my sensitivity to CO2 by doing breathing exercises is one of the (very few) only reasons why I’m still alive today.

Who remembers high school biology? So our bodies are controlled by the autonomic nervous system which has two parts, the sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous system. The sympathetic nervous system is the stress inducer. It’s responsible for creating the “fight or flight” response. It triggers higher blood pressure, a faster heart rate, and releases all the stress hormones that the health magazines talk about. One of the side effects of all of the hormones released is inflammation which is a risk factor in 75-90% of human diseases.

Now the parasympathetic nervous system is the relaxation inducer. And it causes what’s referred to as – get ready for it – a “rest and digest” response. Wait, what? Seriously. When activated, the parasympathetic nervous system tells your body that everything is okay, there’s nothing to worry about, and you just need to find a place to relax and let your body be for a little bit so it can take care of itself and repair any damage caused by any previous stress. The hunt is over and now it’s time to rest and digest.

Hunt, eat, rest, repeat.

Okay, I get it, but what does it have to do with breathing?

Well it turns out that by breathing slowly, particularly exhaling slowly, it triggers the Vagus nerve in our brain in such a way that activates the parasympathetic nervous system. So how do we get to the point where we can breathe very slowly? Well, we need to reduce our CO2 sensitivity which is causing our feeling of breathlessness. And how do we reduce our sensitivity to CO2? By doing breathing exercises of course.

So… You know where this is going right?

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After I returned my borrowed copy of The Oxygen Advantage to the dentist, I immediately bought a copy and gave it to my dad. Now here’s a guy in his 80’s who’s visiting his doctor and raises the issue of these breathing exercises.

The doctor responds with something like, “Oh yes, we’ve known about that for some time.
You should do those exercises. They’re good for you.”

To which my dad asks how come doctors aren’t telling people to do these exercises all the time.
Now the medical professional responds with something like, “We could tell people but they would never do them.”

That’s what were dealing with here.

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So what are these exercises? Think of panting – do the opposite.

What you want to do is breathe low, slow, and deep. Low, as in do not breathe from your chest but from your diaphragm. Slow, as in… well slow. Ideally you should be breathing 5 or 6 times per minute. Think of it as breathing in for five seconds, and then breathing out for five seconds. That would be a 10 second cycle which would be six respirations per minute. Breathing as deeply – but slowly – as you can, from your diaphragm without moving your chest, in the time allotted.

That’s it.

Now in one of the books I read on meditation, the author talked about a yogi in India who could meditate for an hour breathing only once a minute. I thought that was pretty impressive so I set out to see if it was possible. I practiced what’s sometimes referred to as “square breathing”. It’s where you breathe in for a fixed amount of time, hold for that amount of time, exhale for the same amount of time, and then rest for the same amount of time. Whereas 60 seconds is a minute, to breathe once a minute one would need to inhale, hold, exhale, and rest each for 15 seconds.

It took a lot of practice. I think when I started the best I could do was around three respirations a minute or five seconds per each stage (inhale, hold, exhale, rest.) But after a couple weeks I got better. It took a while, but I was slowly able to increase the length of each side of the square from five seconds to 10 seconds, to 12 seconds, to 13 seconds. Eventually I made it, however even then I was only able to breathe at that pace for a minute or two. Practice continued. My recollection is a little fuzzy, but I believe just prior to my accident I was able to breathe once a minute – using this square breathing technique – for about 15 minutes. I was no yogi, but not too bad for a fat kid from Chicago.

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You remember we talked about the Tarahumara people of Mexico? Well here is another fun fact about these impressive runners, they covered incredible distances breathing exclusively through their nose.

Seriously.

Here’s another super simple exercise/practice to reduce CO2 sensitivity, increase blood oxygen pickup & breathing efficiency, reduce inflammation, and improve overall health. Breathe exclusively through your nose. Even when exercising. (Because I run like a cow) I would ride the stationary bike, breathe through my nose, and if I experienced air-hunger I would simply slow down a little. Then I would speed up again once I felt comfortable. Repeat that for 20 minutes. (More details available at the website.)

So where am I today? Well, after inhaling some seaweed and a few fish, and after spending several months on a ventilator, make no mistake I am waaay better off now than I was post accident. But I have not yet gotten back to my pre-accident abilities. I am nowhere near breathing once-a-minute for any period of time. I would say I’m about where I was when I was standing in that dentist’s office 6-7 years ago. I can breathe on a 20 second cycle (three respirations/min) probably indefinitely.

Much like with eating, there is a lot more to talk about here. We could talk about meditation, Tibetan chanting, Wim Hof, hypnosis, chakras, breath work with yoga, and on and on. But this is gone on long enough.

I got a lot of feedback on my comment about intermittent fasting and wanted to follow-up with something a little bit longer.

Good health is in everyone’s interests.

Remember: you are a highly evolved super predator. Hunt, eat, rest, repeat.

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PS – for those that don’t know my father is in his mid-80’s. Despite dealing with heart disease and cancer he is in incredible health. He walks a couple of miles a few times a week and drives himself out to my house all the time. The guy is currently planning a trip for three weeks in the Middle East. I ain’t ly’n when I say he is doing well.

A few weeks ago we were talking about these breathing exercises and I watched him hold his breath for nearly 90 seconds without any pre-hyperventilation. How about them apples? Eating and breathing my friends. Eating and breathing.

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Super big thank you to everyone who has texted, emailed, commented, called, visited, and prayed.
Know that you are appreciated and I think of you daily.
Because of you guys my heart is filled with love and gratitude.

As always, please feel free to share.

Remember: you are a highly evolved super predator. Hunt, eat, rest, repeat.

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Started feeling a little odd Monday night. Had quite a bit of pain on Tuesday. Wednesday afternoon we went to the ER.

Now the consensus at the time was a urinary tract infection. And while there was a good amount of evidence pointing in that direction the infectious disease doctors are kinda particular on that issue. You see, not all antibiotics work on all bacteria. So they spend half their time bacteria hunting. It’s been four days. Those doctors have come up empty.

So because the urine panel refuses to grow any bugs the doctors are now back in “discovery mode.” Had a chest x-ray. Inconclusive. They were looking at the wound. It looks good (and really really smaller since my last post.) Their running blood panels and sputum panels and solar panels. So far nothing.

If you’re an adult in this country you’ve undoubtedly heard that doctors 1. do not like to admit that they don’t know something, and 2. they are taught to behave this way of medical school. It’s for this reason that when my doctor visited me earlier today the discussion was limited to what “was known” there was no discussion about what was “not known”.

– – –
I kid you not, the guy in the room down the hall from me just had his telly monitor go flatline. Every alarm on the floor went off. The nurses were all screaming. One person, the Eastern European CNA, casually walks down the hall saying “he playing you.”

I can’t tell you what happened but many people were wrong… and one person was right.
– – –

Anyway, because my doctor is so awesome I had no concerns about giving him a little side-eye and asking if we had a plan to resolving the actual underlying issue here. And he said that while the antibiotics I’m on might not be ideal they are providing some systematic relief. When I came in on Wednesday I was spiking pretty good fevers. Those seem to have stopped. (Focus on what they know.)

So there you have it people. My ears also hurt, like I have an earache. Have some ringing in them too. Been coughing to beat the band (actually kinda giving myself a headache.) So here we are. Confident in not knowing what’s going wrong.

I have a lot of other things on my mind, but I’m not going to get into them right now. But in another post (soon) I will update you on some of the things that I’ve been doing like writing waltzes in the style of mid-sixteenth century Austria, teaching entry-level maritime skills to young mariners, writing my own translation (with narration) of Stories From Panchatntra from the original Sanskrit, and consulting with the crew at SpaceX about a new type of ceramic (now this is just a theory of course) which should be able to decrease weight and lower reentry temperature by several hundred degrees.

But that’s it for now. Yes there will be a call on Sunday at 3:30. Here’s the link: https://jb.jb03.com/call/e35vvpp9

I’m not really much for TV. Seriously. I’m actually more of a video game person. First-person shooters were my game of choice. My preference, in order, would be: the Tom Clancy “Vegas” games, the Battlefield series, then the Call of Duty franchise. I was never any good, but I always enjoyed playing with a group of people online. For me, these games were like an interactive choose your own adventure story where the story fought back.

Nevertheless, television is one of those things (like professional sports and social media) that bring people together even though they are apart. Well, it’s either that or people think that I just sit around watching TV all day so they asked me about it.

Whatever the case may be, I got to thinking about putting together a list of some of the nonsense I’ve watched on the tube over the last ~24 months. I really have no idea where this is going to go. So let’s just have at it. The lists are in no particular order.

Movies

• The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance | 1965 | HBO/Max
  What’s not to like? Jimmy Stewart. John Wayne… Okay, I’m not actually a huge John Wayne fan… Okay, I actually don’t like John Wayne. I don’t care for his mannerisms or the way he talks. I think he’s a goof and how he became a movie star I will never understand. However, in this movie he’s perfect for the role of Tom Doniphon. Great story, brilliantly written, beautifully filmed, and wonderfully acted. What’s really crazy though is that it’s as politically relevant today as it was 50 years ago.
• The Morning After | 1986 | Tubi
  Jane Fonda is a washed up alcoholic actress who wakes up one morning next to a dead body. Jeff Bridges is a young retired (disabled) cop who takes interest. It’s nothing special. However, it appears to be the basis for The Flight Attendant (see below.)
• Klute | 1971 | Tubi
  Jane Fonda is a New York City call girl who is somehow involved in the disappearance of an executive at a large Pennsylvania company. Donald Sutherland is the small-town cop hired by the company to figure out what happened. Not bad actually. I enjoyed it much more than I expected.
• Bombshell | 2019 | Peacock
  I just watched this recently. It stars Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman, and Margot Robbie as the real life staffers at Fox News who were (allegedly?) victimized by Roger Ailes. It’s probably more entertaining today than it was when released as it covers how Ailes was on “Team Trump” and the owner of the network, Rupert Murdoch, was not. (For those that don’t know, the Murdoch family has never backed The Donald. In fact, all last year, in 2023, the news anchors were barred from even mentioning Trump’s name on the air. The policy had to change when he was indicted. The new post-Ailes Fox News is not pro-Trump. I know that’s what they want you to believe; but it’s just not true.)
• The Assignment | 2016 | Tubi
  No. Just no. It’s actually a pretty good story, and could have been a decent movie. It has plenty of star power with Sigourney Weaver, Tony Shalhoub, Michelle Rodriguez, etc., but they can’t make up for terrible directing.
• Asteroid City | 2023 | ??
  Very quirky & hard to explain. Very cute, and has Scarlett Johansson and aliens. Worth viewing.
• Babylon | 2022 | MGM+/Paramount+
  1920s Hollywood is moving from silent films to talkies. Ambition drives producers and actors to their limits. There is also a bacchanal. Thoroughly enjoyable.
• Chinatown | 1974 | Netflix
  Jack Nicholson is a private detective who sticks his nose where it doesn’t belong in 1930s Los Angeles. The story involves who’s going to control water rights within the now exploding metropolis. It’s perennially on critics’ top 10 lists.
• Office Space | 1999 | HBO/Max
  Three tech workers are burned out by middle-management. And if you ever worked in restaurant will appreciate Jennifer Aniston’s role as the Chotchkie’s waitress. It didn’t win any Oscars, but it is a cult classic.
• Alien | 1979 | Hulu
  Ridley Scott filmed this three years before he did Blade Runner (1982). Sigourney Weaver and a cat are the sole survivors of a deep space mission. It’s scary and beautiful at the same time.
• Aliens | 1986 | HBO/Max
  This time it’s James Cameron behind the camera. Sigourney Weaver reprises her role as Ripley. She goes alien hunting and returns with a kid. The story is not quite as thrilling as the original, but it carries its own weight.
• Sin City | 2005 | ??
  Based on the graphic novel, the movie deals with gangsters, corrupt politicians, and pedophilia. Not for the faint of heart, but outstanding for what it is.
• Sin City: A Dame to Kill For | 2014 | Hulu
  The story continues. Not quite as good as the original but very close.
• The French Connection | 1971 | HBO/Max
  There is a scene in this movie where Gene Hackman drives around NYC chasing an elevated subway train. To say it’s famous would be an understatement. It’s been copied probably a dozen times in other movies and video games. Anyway, the NYPD is on the hunt for a drug importer, and their methods can be brutal. Easily considered one of the best ever.
• Casablanca | 1942 | HBO/Max
  Meh. I must be missing something cuz I don’t see the allure. Is it good? Yes, of course. It’s very good. But is it one of the best movies ever made? I don’t know about that.
• Death on the Nile | 2022 | ??
  A modern remake of Murder on the Orient Express. The scenery is beautiful. The actors are beautiful. The story is well written. If you like murder mysteries this is worth seeing.
• The Wizard of Oz | 1939 | HBO/Max
  First movie ever filmed in color. Audiences were not told in advance. Naturally they were blown away by the ruby slippers, yellow brick road, and Emerald City. Let’s not forget the color changing horse. I’m not one for musicals, but if I have to sit through one I choose it to be this.
• Knives Out | 2019 | Netflix
  Another remake of Murder on the Orient Express. The rich old man has died and the detective interviews the ne’er-do-well members of his family to figure out who-done-it. Star-studded cast does not disappoint. It did so well that they made sequel called Glass Onion.
• Three Days of the Condor | 1975 | MGM+/Paramount+
  Robert Redford is a CIA analyst who reads books for the agency. One day he returns from lunch to find everyone in his office murdered. Naturally he has to shack up with Faye Dunaway for a few days while he figures out what’s happened.

Television, Series, & Documentaries

• Colombo | 1968, 1971-1978, 1989-2003 | HBO/Max
  Is it television or is it a movie? It’s both! And it’s outstanding. The best part is all of the guest stars. A (very) young Kim Cattrall, Bruno Kirby, Elliott Gould, Betty White, Robert Wagner, etc. One of the things I like about Colombo is that you know who did it. You don’t have to sit there and try and figure anything out. It’s entertainment for the sake of entertainment. I got enough puzzles in my life; I don’t need to watch another.
• Love, Death, & Robots | 2019- | Netflix
  Short quirky cartoon vignettes that are part Edgar Allen Poe short story, part Twilight Zone. This was actually recommended by my hospitalist. Specifically, in season one there is an episode called “Zima Blue”. It’s both timely and clever.
• The Larry Sanders Show | 1992-1998 | HBO/Max
  I like Garry Shandling. Great writing. Great cast. I love the show within a show concept and the mockumentary format. What truly sets it apart – at least by today’s standards – is the lack of a laugh-track. The funniest parts of the show are when something painfully awkward has occurred. A laugh-track would just ruin it. It seems that everyone working in Hollywood in the mid-90s has at least one guest appearance. Absolutely great television.
• Better Call Saul | 2015-2022 | AMC
  Brilliant! The transformation of “Slip’n Jimmy” James McGill into Saul Goodman is the kind of story you would read in a high school literature course. The characters are deep and complex. The story arcs are long and involved. In 100 years this will still be regarded as some of the best television ever created. (Yes, I watched Breaking Bad as well. But it predated the accident.)
• The Sopranos | 1999-2007 | HBO/Max
  I tried. I really tried. I got about 1/2 of the way through the second season before I drifted off. Every episode was the same. I just couldn’t take it. Maybe I’ll try again later this year.
• Miami Vice | 1984-1989 | Tubi
  Several weeks ago I texted Bob, “Miami Vice really holds up.” He replied, “No one has ever said that before.” But it’s true. The show is shot – mostly at night – beautifully, on location in Miami. It has awesome music and a never-ending list of guest stars from Phil Collins and Melanie Griffith, to Ed O’Neill (Al Bundy) and Bruce Willis. It’s also dark. It’s not a “happy ending” kind of show. Detective Crockett doesn’t always get his man and sometimes good people get shot and die. Another fun fact, starting in season three Dick Wolf became one of the writers/producers. You might not know him by name, but I’m pretty sure you will have heard of “Law & Order”. Ya, that guy got his start on Miami Vice.
• Charlie’s Angels | 1976-1981| Tubi
  Okay, I admit it. This is really just a guilty pleasure. It’s formulaic and entirely predictable. But that doesn’t mean it’s not entertaining. If you want to turn your brain off and just chill out for 42 minutes you can’t do better than this.
• The Flight Attendant | 2020-2022 | HBO/Max
  Kaley Cuoco stars as an alcoholic flight attendant who wakes up next to a dead body. Hilarity ensues. It’s intense and neurotic. It’s decent, but if you’re prone to anxiety it might not be for you.
• Trafficked with Mariana Van Zeller | 2020-| Netflix
  A series of one-hour documentaries were Mariana investigates the criminal worlds dealing with drugs, guns, body parts, stolen cars, and several other criminal enterprises. Some of it seems downright unbelievable. But it is enjoyable viewing.
• Rotten | 2018-2019 | Netflix
  After watching a few of these, you may never eat anything again. Your honey is fake. Your “wild” fish is farm raised. And those avocados on your toast are enriching the cartel. If you care about what you eat you should check this out. But you have been warned.
• Nikita | 2010-2013 | Tubi
  A secret government agency kidnaps prisoners off of death row and trains them to be assassins. One of them escapes and makes it her mission to bring the agency down. Based on a previous series La Fem Nikita, which itself was based on the original French movie. If very good-looking people fighting each other is your thing, you should enjoy this.
• Narcos | 2015-2017 | Netflix
  Not quite a reenactment, but a fairly factually accurate portrayal of the rise to power of Pablo Escobar. If you’re unfamiliar with his story is really quite amazing. He actually built his own prison when he got convicted in Columbia so he didn’t have to serve time with other – common – criminals.
• Narcos: Mexico | 2018-2021 | Netflix
  The origin story of the Guadalajara Cartel. These guys were the biggest gangsters you’ve never heard of. Seriously. They dug a well in the middle of the Mexican desert and grew 1000 acres of marijuana under the nose of the Mexican government. Things really got out of hand after they murdered a DEA agent. If you want to understand how and why Mexico has become a failed narco-state, this is required viewing. (Hint: there is an elaborate scheme to control the outcome of a presidential election.)
• Dopesick | 2021 | Hulu
  Limited miniseries detailing the role of Perdue Pharma in America’s opioid epidemic. It details the problems with the revolving door between the FDA and Big-Pharma, and how Perdue managed to get OxyContin approved despite it being highly addictive. Have you ever been to the doctors office or in the hospital and they show you the chart with all the different faces and ask you what your pain level is? That page was invented by the marketing department at Purdue in order to sell more Oxy. Highly recommend.
• Jack Ryan | 2018-2023 | Prime Video
  Based on the Tom Clancy novels, CIA analyst Jack Ryan has quite the adventure working for the agency.
• Dollhouse | 2009-2010 | Hulu
  Imagine if you could take all your memories, skills, and personality and put them in a hard drive. And then what would happen if you could be someone else for a while, and then get yourself back afterward? This series originally aired on Fox and was way of its time. It can be a little campy at times, but the storyline is just brilliant.
• Mad Men | 2007-2015 | AMC
  Now this here is outstanding television. The life and times of advertising executives on Madison Avenue in the 1960s. It’s nearly perfect in every way. This, like Better Call Saul, will still be remembered in 100 years. Seriously, I watched the entire series several years ago, I recently watched it again. I enjoyed even more the second time around.
• The Crime of the Century | 2021 | HBO/Max
  Miniseries on the role of Big-Pharma in today’s ongoing heroin/fentanyl epidemic.
• Agents of Chaos | 2020 | HBO/Max
  While technically a documentary, this is a straight up propaganda trying to convince the viewer that Russian agents influenced the 2016 election and got Trump elected.
• The Perfect Weapon | 2020 | HBO/Max
  While technically a documentary… This one is a little more nuanced. It doesn’t come out and say that foreign agents got Trump elected, but it does lean heavily on the viewer suggesting foreign entities are controlling everything we see that is not the establishment media. The walkaway is that we can only trust the New York Times and the Washington Post.
• Kill Chain: the War Cyber on America’s Elections | 2020 | HBO/Max
  You guessed it. Dominion voting machines are easily hacked and that’s how Trump won the 2016 election.

I’m sure I’m missing something, or several somethings. But that is certainly enough for now. Maybe I’ll start another post and add to it over the next several months; have a follow-up in July or August.

You have any recommendations? Let me know. Also let me know if you see anything on the list that you loved or hated.

Quick Medical Follow-Up:
For those keeping score at home, I had bilateral wounds on the ischium. The wound on my right side has healed. Hooray! The wound on the left side is about 1/2 as deep as it was two months ago. So there’s progress. I still do a little coughing, particularly right after eating. Don’t know why that is, but that’s what happens.

Until the next time my friends, please be kind to each other.

Be well.

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Thank you to everyone who has emailed, called, visited, etc.
If I have not returned your email or call, know that you are appreciated.
(Sometimes things get stuck between the filing cabinets.)

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Happy New Year!

What a year it’s been. I was just thinking the other day about how I declined to have surgery to put the trach back in. That was back in February (2023). If you missed that story you can read it here.

Hope everyone had a nice holiday. I’m sure 95% of you both spent and ate a little too much. I was just talking to someone (who shall remain nameless) who told me they recently got on a scale for the first time in a couple months. They described the situation as “pushing maximum density”. Yep. That’s the holidays. The day after Christmas I ate in entire tin of Hello Dolly bars (Clara helped a little.) I’m not proud of that; but it happened.

Anyway, I’ve dragged this on long enough. Should probably get this story wrapped-up.

You may recall it’s the morning of Day 7 in the hospital. I was admitted for a UTI which jumped into the bloodstream and started a nasty case of sepsis. There’s also the issues of the hard & distended abdomen, and a blood clot in the right leg. A series of x-rays showed that the situation in the belly was the makings of a bowel obstruction, and we just found out via a CT scan (with contrast) that I had a kidney stone lodged in my left ureter.

Are we all caught up now? Whew.

It was the infectious disease doctor who ordered the CT and came in Sunday morning with the results. Super nice guy (fabulous dresser), but always straight to the point. He had done his job. He wanted to identify the source of the lingering fever. And he did so. He was done. Out. The situation was going to be turned over to my primary care team and my urologist.

There are two doctors on my primary care team. Both are awesome. My PCP is exactly what you want in a doctor. Middle-aged, contemplative, careful with his words, and willing to change his mind when presented with new evidence. One of the partners in the PCP’s practice is my hospitalist. This guy is younger and talks faster. When I coughed up a blood clot this is the guy who said, “I think this is a piece of lung” and then had to walk it back. It’s a different style. I don’t judge. We spend as much time talking about TV shows and movies as we do my medical condition. He’s shown Suzie and I pictures of his kids at the pumpkin patch and on family vacations. Ya, he’s a little haphazard on the medical front. But he’s friendly and personable and doesn’t mind when Suzie or I call him out for his goofiness.

Maybe an hour after the infectious disease doctor gives me the news about the kidney stone, in walks the hospitalist.

We get past the how-do-you-do’s and he launches in with, “You ready to get out of here?” . . . Arrgh!

It’s early on a Sunday morning and I just spent a week in the hospital. So I’m sure I was not as diplomatic as I probably should have been. I think what came out was something like, “Dude, don’t you check the chart before you come in and see patients? I ain’t going home. I got a kidney stone lodged in a ureter.”

“What?!” he says pulling out his phone. (As if I was making this up.)

I relay the story of having the CT late Saturday night and having the infectious disease doctor tell me about the kidney stone that morning. His phone confirms my version of events. For a moment he’s quiet and thinking. Then comes, “Well now it all kind-of makes sense. That explains your pain, and the infection. And the kidney and the ureter are probably all inflamed and swollen and pushing down on the intestines which is causing your bowel obstruction. … We gotta get that thing out of there.”

It was with a good sense of alacrity that he rushed out of my room telling me that he needed to consult with my PCP and urologist.

That’s where we were Sunday morning. Now I realize it was a Sunday. Not much happens in hospital on a Sunday. There were no illusions of having anything done on a Sunday.

But I did assume something was going to get done on Monday. And I assumed wrong.

Absolutely nothing happened on Monday to deal with the issue. Doctors came and went. Nurses did their nursing. The kitchen kept calling my phone to see if I wanted to order lunch and dinner (the phone would just ring and ring.) And the kidney stone stayed lodged in the ureter.

Late Monday afternoon I get a second visit of the day from the hospitalist. (That’s what I call service.) I find out that doctors are more like lawyers than they wish to lead-on. Turns out they will argue about anything. While my primary care team was advocating for surgery to remove the stone, urology was of the opinion it would be better to just let it pass on its own. Never mind the fact that the stone was: (a) the source of the infection, (b) causing G.I. problems, and (c) that it had already been there for over a week!

The primary care team and I were in agreement. When it comes to surgery, there are always risks. However, we knew for 100% certainty that not removing the stone was going to continue to cause problems. The hospitalist tells me he’s going to “escalate” the situation.

Now let me tell you what was really going on here. And just to be clear, nobody “said” this. But if one is a careful listener, and can read between the lines, what was really happening is that urology didn’t think there was a rush to perform surgery on a quadriplegic who CAN’T FEEL THE PAIN ANYWAYS. A “normal” person with this condition would be in, more-or-less, constant excruciating pain. Because I did not require a morphine drip urology figured they could slow walk it.

What the urologist doesn’t know is that someone in my condition still suffers from autonomic dysreflexia. (We covered that in the first post. If you need to go back here’s the link.) The stone was the reason I continued to have high blood pressure, fevers, and generally felt like garbage even after six days on antibiotics.

That evening the urologist’s physician’s assistant comes in to see me. She explains that urology has seen the errors of their ways and that surgery to remove the stone would be scheduled for Tuesday. So that’s the good news. The bad news was they didn’t know what time because they weren’t sure when the doctor, a surgical suite, and an anesthesiologist would all be available. But the surgery was going to happen on Tuesday, therefore nothing to eat or drink after midnight.

So… You know where this is going right?

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“Hundred bucks and my left nut says this plane ain’t landing in Chicago.”
–– Del Griffith (John Candy) Planes, Trains & Automobiles, 1987

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I’m pretty sure I had something for dinner on Monday. I had been there a while, so I had kinda figured out what was edible and what was not. Any of the “daily specials” were to be avoided. But on the menu, available anytime, was a breakfast burrito. Now when I think of a breakfast burrito, I think of something about the size of a football filled with chorizo and eggs, shredded cheese, refried beans, sour cream, lettuce tomato etc. Let’s just say the hospital’s vision is a little different. Their version is a scrambled egg wrapped in a taco sized flour tortilla. The good news is, they let you get two.

Say what you will about hospital food service, but they have the portion control thing down. I’d ask for sour cream. They would send up one ketchup-packet sized tube of sour cream. You asked for cheese? You get exactly 0.25 oz of finely shredded cheese. You can ask, and they will provide, a couple of sausage links. But they can’t be assembled inside the burrito.

While I can’t say for certain, my recollection is that Monday evening’s dinner was two eggs and a couple of breakfast sausages.

Tuesday morning I get meds with a solid drink of water. That’s it. No food. Going to have surgery later.

Tuesday afternoon… nothing. No food. No water. Going to have surgery later.

About 6:00 the urologist walks in. He’s not in scrubs, but dressed in his “office” clothes. He starts babbling on about there not being any surgical suites or anesthesiologists or something. I gave him a little bit of the side-eye to let him know that my bullshit detector was admitting a steady tone. I wanted to make sure that he knew that I knew that he just got to the hospital from the office.

He mumbles his way through some excuse, and says he’s on his way to the OR so that we could get the surgery done that evening.

Tuesday evening… nothing. No food. No water. Going to have surgery later.

It’s about 10:30 when the urologist pops back into my room. This time he is in scrubs! I say something like, “Hey, I see you’re in scrubs.” But I can tell by the look on his face that something ain’t right. So I immediately follow it up with, “Don’t tell me you’re dressed for Halloween?” With that he laughs. I didn’t.

He proceeds to feed me all sorts of malarkey about the O.R., anesthesiologists, and all of the hospital’s logistical issues. The bottom line was that: it was late, and he was going home.

As we discussed scheduling the procedure for Wednesday, the good doctor explains that, “I have 32 patients in the office tomorrow. The surgery will have to be done in the evening sometime.”

Hungry… No that’s not right. Hangry, I snapped at the doctor about the delay and not eating or drinking all day and the complete lack of professionalism of the situation. He was very apologetic, said I could get something to eat, but the timing of the surgery was out of his hands.

Whereas the hospital’s kitchen is closed at 11:00 on a Tuesday night, my dad drove over to Wendy’s on Harlem Ave. I got the Dave’s Double with cheese & lettuce, tomato, and mayo. I washed it down with a large fries and Ensure protein shake.

Wednesday. Everything started out pretty normal actually. I took morning meds – with water – and I just kinda settled in. I knew nothing was going to happen during the day and the surgery would probably occur sometime in the evening after the urologist got done with his daytime appointments.

I feel the need to pop-in here with a sidebar. What are your thoughts about intermittent fasting? Never mind your thoughts. It’s awesome, and you should be doing it. It’s all about blood sugar and insulin levels. As humans, for thousands of years we have evolved in an environment where food was scarce. Today we live in a world of food abundance. (Thank you capitalism!) As such, we’ve gotten into the “three squares a day” mentality. Unfortunately our biology has not yet evolved to match our new environment. We are not “grazers” like cows; our nutritional biology is set up differently. We’re designed to: kill the elephant, feast like a king, and not eat again for a day or two. This is causing all sorts of health problems from obesity and diabetes to cancer and cardiovascular disease.

Since the accident I’ve discovered that I prefer to have all of my calories for the day in a narrow window. I was doing a little bit of this even before the accident, but I never really took it seriously. Now I (kinda) do. So my comment above about being “Hangry” is not really 100% accurate. I was angry; I rarely get hungry, but I do get thirsty. But “Hthirsty” is not a word (not even a good made-up word.) So for the sake of the story it became hangry.

Wednesday morning, hanging out in the hospital, it was not a big deal for me to skip breakfast. Instead, I took a nap.

Around noon I thought it would be good to get something to eat, if only just to have something to do. So I call the nurse and guess what?

No food. No water. Going to have surgery later.

I explained that the surgery was at least 8 hours away because I knew the doctor was seeing his “32 patients” during the day. But that didn’t matter because the note in the chart was “No food. No water. Going to have surgery later.” Arrrgh!

Not a big deal. At least now I knew. I was getting on the thirst (if you know what I mean) but other than that it truly wasn’t a big deal to go a day without eating. After all, I had just done so the day before. I just needed to chill-out and wait for the doctor. No problem. I got this.

I don’t know why – it had never been done before – but in the afternoon someone came in to check my blood sugar. It was, as expected for someone who hadn’t eaten in 17 hours, a perfect 77.

It was probably around 6:00 when the urologist popped-in. He was on his way to the O.R. and we were going to blast that stone. Alright. Now are getting somewhere.

7:00 – no surgery.

8:00 – no surgery.

10:00 – no surgery.

At this point I was tired, getting cold, and the back of my neck started sweating. My body was telling me that something was wrong. That stone had been lodged in the ureter for going on 2 weeks. My arms and back were stiff and everything hurt. I asked the nurse for a tramadol; I was denied.

No food. No water. Going to have surgery.

I explained that I would only take “a tiny sip” of water. Nope. No food. No water. Going to have surgery.

I offered to take the pills without water (which is actually something I can do.) Not. Gonna. Happen.

I explain that I need something for the pain. Nurse calls my doctor, explains the situation, and gets an order for morphine direct into the IV. Fine. Not what I wanted. But as I lay there tired, hungry, freezing under a pile of blankets and sweating, it should do the job.

Naturally, there was some sort of snafu in the pharmacy. I’m told the morphine comes in 3 mL ampoules. The doctor ordered 10 mL. So, you didn’t have to go to private high school to figure out that we needed three ampoules. The pharmacy sent one.

Naturally, this situation is easily resolved when dealing with controlled substances, there is a process. In the “normal” world, the pharmacy would just send up two more ampoules and the issue would be resolved. In our world, the original single ampule has to be returned to the pharmacy, the pharmacy supervisor has to check the inventory, the doctor’s order has to be reviewed, the original pharmacy order must be canceled, a training session must be scheduled with all employees, PowerPoint presentations created, and everyone has to move their cars from Lot D over to Lot F after they all first go home and make sure that the garage door closed.

Once all that was accomplished, the nurse showed up with my morphine. All proper procedures were followed. My hospital wristband had to be scanned along with each individual vial of drug. Then, after the computer approved, the vials could be opened and drawn into a syringe. The syringe connects to the IV line, and away we go. It only takes about 5-10 seconds and my face feels warm, flush, which is nice after feeling cold. The pain subsides. I can feel the body relax. I tell the nurse, “I need you to get a trashcan or something because I’m about to throw-up.”

It takes a few minutes, but the nausea goes away. Crisis averted. Nothing to do now but just relax and wait to get called for surgery.

12:00 – no surgery.

1:00AM! – no surgery.

It was a little after 2:00 when transport came to bring me down to surgery. The surgical nurse introduced himself as did the anesthesiologist. The procedure was explained and I got rolled into the O.R. Everything gets set up. Everyone is ready to go. The anesthesiologist puts a mask on my face and says, “I need you to take a deep breath.” So I do. I take *a* deep breath. Then we sit there and stare at each other for about 10 seconds before he figures out the problem and suggests, “You need to take *multiple* deep breaths.”

Surgery. Post-op. Transport. I was back in my room by 3:30. It took almost 4 days to complete a 20 minute medical procedure.

The surgery worked. A stent was placed in the ureter to hold it open in the event of inflammation. In the collection bag we could see busted up pieces of kidney stones and several of the big stone’s smaller cousins. Thursday was a day of recovery. I was discharged on Friday.

And that my friends is the story.

A quick epilogue: They send you home from the hospital when you no longer need to be in the hospital. That doesn’t mean you are healthy or well by any stretch of the imagination. Even though I was discharged, I was still quite sick. It took a month of recovery at home before I really began to feel like myself. My understanding is that this is completely normal after dealing with a sepsis infection. The stent has been removed and for the most part we have not had any issues. Once the stone was removed the bowel obstruction took care of itself. I was given 90 days of blood thinners to treat the clot.

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Super big thank you to everyone who has emailed, commented, called, visited, and prayed. Know that you are appreciated and I think of you daily.

As always, please feel free to share this post or the website.

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Standing chitchat, Sundays at 3:30 Central.
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Here’s the link: https://jb.jb03.com/call/e35vvpp9.

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